John woke up early the next morning and drove down to the Colombia river to sit in the park and think, as he had done hundreds of times growing up. His old hometown of Richland had changed a lot since he last lived here, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that his old spot by the river remained virtually unchanged. He had so many memories of walking along this river, and he could actually remember on an emotional level the longing he used to feel to do something extraordinary with his life.
Had he accomplished his mission? On paper he had. He had traveled the world, moved to the big city, found his way as a writer, sold a lot of books, and even made it on TV a few times. Emotionally he still felt like he was that 18-year old boy on the verge of a big adventure though. It seemed a little clearer to him now, love was the biggest adventure a person can undertake.
It felt good to walk in the fresh air, and John made a mental note of how much better he felt now that he was taking care of his health. He found himself thinking about Erik Erickson’s stages of life, which discussed how every decade of a person’s life came with a unique set of challenges. For someone in their 30’s the challenge was intimacy versus isolation, meaning a person had to find a partner to share all of life’s ups and down with or face a growing sense of isolation. Now that he was getting to the end of this period, John realized he really wasn’t that exceptional. Just as Erickson had predicted decades before, he had spent this period of his life struggling with this issue, although it was just out of his immediate awareness. He was starting to realize that maybe he wasn’t as special as he thought. It was oddly comforting.
Later that morning he and his mom began the drive out into the farm country of Eastern Washington. Their journey was made more difficult by the fact that John hadn’t been to this farm since the age of 13, and his mother had been only a handful of times. Still they pressed on however, stopping twice to visit wineries and sample some of the state’s best wines and laugh and talk and enjoy the day together. It was nice to feel at home again.
As they got to the city of Sunnyside, they stopped and debated their next move. There were dozens of country roads in the area, and finding the right one was really kind of a crapshoot. John deferred to his mother’s wisdom and they traveled several miles down a road marked C and then another marked B. Nothing on either road looked vaguely familiar, and John was beginning to get discouraged thinking he had come all this way for nothing.
Finally on the 3rd road they chose everything began to crystallize. He remembered the old store at the end of the road, and then some other landmarks they passed as they got closer to their destination. Finally as they rose over a crest they found what they were looking for. There in the back was the old trailer where his great-grandparents lived when he was very young. As they pulled into the long driveway he saw a bunch of kids playing in the huge backyard and he felt a sharp pang of nostalgia thinking about his own fun times in the yard. They sat there in silence for a few minutes before John decided to get out of the car and look around.
As he got out of the car, the children stopped playing and looked at him curiously. They were after all out in the country, and strange men in overcoats were not exactly the norm.
“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt your game, but my grandparents used to live here and I just kind of wanted to see if the old place was still here.”
The oldest of the boys walked towards John and eyed him with suspicion.
“Used to live here when? I’m almost 13, and I’ve lived here almost my whole life. You must be really old,” he said as all of the other kids laughed.
“I’m getting up there all right,” John replied as he joined in the laughter. “I’ll tell you though when I used to spend the summer here the days felt like they lasted forever. I never thought I would get old. You just don’t think it’s going to happen to you. Anyway sorry to bother you guys. I know it’s a little weird showing up here out of the blue. I just wanted to take a little trip down memory lane I guess.”
Thinking that ended their exchange, John was surprised when the older boy whipped a football at him from across the lawn, and even more surprised when he made a diving catch to grab it. He turned and threw a tight spiral back at the boy, and laughed when it flew ten feet over his head.
“Damn man, maybe you’re not so old after all. Go ahead and knock on the door. My parents are inside. My mom is always talking about how we’re too far out in the country out here. Tell them how much you love it out here. Maybe they’ll sell you the place,” he said as he went to retrieve the ball.
John was curious as to what his mother thought about his diving around on the grass with his injuries, and he braced for a lecture as he waved for her to get out of the car. The farm had never been her favorite place, as it belonged to John’s father’s family, and she had never felt particularly welcome here. John reached into the glove compartment to grab one of his books to give to give to the current occupants of the house. Part of this particular book had a few passages that described the family farm, and he felt like it might be useful to give them a copy as a piece offering before he asked to begin rummaging around their house.
“Hello,” John said with a smile as a curious middle-aged couple answered the door. “Sorry to barge in on you like this. I know this might sound strange, but I spent a huge part of my childhood here and have wonderful memories of the place,” John said as he handed them a copy of his book.
Flipping the book over and seeing John’s picture on the back, the woman relented and opened the door a little wider.
“This is you? I’m a social worker and I’ve seen a few of your books over the years. Come in,” she said as she opened the door for John and his mom.
“Yea, that’s me alright. I wanted to give you this particular book because several of the passages in there describe this farm, or at least how I remember this farm. If you don’t like it you can use it as a coaster or something. Again, sorry to bug you, but for years I’ve wanted to come back here and see this place again and revisit some of the wonderful memories I had here as a kid. I know that might sound a little weird, so thank you so much for letting us in.’
“It doesn’t sound weird at all. My name is Paul by the way, and this is my wife Sara,” Paul explained as he introduced his mother Barbara and they all shook hands. “I’m kind of surprised to hear how much you love this place. My wife thinks we’re way too far from civilization, and my kids complain that they’re not close enough to all of their friends in town. Still, when I saw this place I fell in love with it. Bought it from the funniest old man I can ever recall meeting named Henry. Was that your grandfather?”
“It sure was,” John replied. “And I agree with you, he was a really funny man. He bought this place after he retired and spent years hear trying to teach himself to become a farmer. Got pretty good at it too. If it isn’t too much of an imposition, do you mind if I walk around a little? I’d love to see the old barn and the corn fields and all of it.
“Why don’t you boys go,” Sara suggested. “And perhaps I can offer your mother a cup of coffee and we can sit and talk a little here.”
But John and Paul were already out the door as she suggested this. Both men were about the same age, and immediately John could sense Paul had the same kind of love for the place that he did. They spent the afternoon walking around the fields, and John even got a tour of the old barn he had loved so much as a kid. As they got to a small hill on the back of the property they climbed to the top and took it all in. For miles there was nothing but farmland, and John was amazed at how peaceful and quiet it all felt to him, just like it had when he was a kid. You can’t go home again. John knew that, but all the same he felt pretty close as he plucked a blade of grass from the ground and slid it between his teeth.