Upon arriving at Dr. Paul’s office, his receptionist didn’t even attempt to hide her displeasure at seeing John, and the two of them sat together in uncomfortable silence for what seemed like an eternity. As he sat there thinking about this, he remembered an old episode of Seinfeld where George assumed that because his every instinct had been wrong, that therefore the opposite of this must be right. With this in mind he went up to Dr. Paul’s secretary, and struck up a conversation.
“You know I’m embarrassed to say this, but in all these years we’ve known each other, I don’t think I’ve ever known your first name, and I was sitting there thinking how rude of me this was,” John said sincerely.
“Well I don’t know what that has to do with anything,” she said back curtly.
He couldn’t help himself and burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of her answer. He looked at her closely, and then, miraculously almost, he saw the faintest corner of a smile begin to form. Then, sizing him up, she began to laugh along with him, and soon the two of them were laughing and talking together about how and why it had been so uncomfortable between them for so many years. He found out her name was Mildred, which didn’t surprise him in the slightest. Still, he was delighted to find she had a sense of humor after all these years of awkwardness.
Dr. Paul came lumbering out of his office, and had to rub his eyes when he saw his wayward protégé and perpetually pissed off secretary giggling like a couple of schoolgirls.
“Umm, am I interrupting something here guys?” he asked suspiciously.
“Lighten up Doctor,” Mildred said sternly, and with that they all began to laugh, and John was very glad to see he hadn’t disturbed the Dr. Paul universe as badly as he originally feared.
“I was prepared to give you a lecture about being a pain in the ass, but seeing as how you made nice with my girl out there, I’m gonna cut you a little slack,” Dr. Paul said with a smile.
“I’ve had an epiphany my friend, the way I’ve been living keeps leading me back to the same place, so I decided to mix it up a little. What you saw out there was part of the fruits of this decision.”
“Um, John when I told you to find the girl, that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,’ Dr. Paul said laughing, “But please do tell, what has led to this amazing transformation?”
“The thing is smartass, I’ve been thinking all week about something you said to me years ago when I was a student. You said the job of a psychologist was to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. I’m quite sure you stole it from someone else, but the point stands. I’ve been comfortable for way too long, and it was time to hold a bit of a mirror up to my face.”
“Great speech pal, but I need some specifics,’ Dr. Paul said more seriously this time. “What are you prepared to do differently? What have you learned? What are you doing NOW to make these changes?”
“Jesus you are a hard-ass,” John said, slightly hurt by the response. “Well for one thing I did some thinking. I thought about your question regarding empathy last week and I think I know what you were trying to say. Empathy is about love, although that word certainly has a hazy definition. My feeling was that you were implying that empathy was about some kind of larger love for people in general, for their flaws, their pettiness, their fuck-ups, for all of it really. More of a compassionate embrace of all of these stupid fucking things we do that bonds us all together.”
“That’s well spoken John, I can see why people buy your books, you always know just the right thing to say, but you still haven’t answered my question. What are you doing different? You’re a charming guy, I know this, but you can’t bullshit me. Seriously, tell me about your actions. You’re too slick with words,” Dr. Paul said forcefully.
“Alright, you’re right. What have I done differently? Nothing. Quite the opposite actually. I found the girl, as you suggested, she came to my house, and found me shacked up with a woman I met at a bar. So no, my actions haven’t been different. You’re right, I’m an asshole. I’m here because I’m a little confused, and don’t know exactly what to do next,” John fired back with more intensity then he intended.
“Alright John, so you found her and then sabotaged it somehow, I can’t sit on a soapbox about that, I’ve certainly done my share of self-sabotage. You know me pal, and you know goddamn well I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Dr. Paul continued. “The question you have to ask yourself is what are you willing to do to make your life different? You mentioned the relationship between love and empathy earlier. I think that’s an important lead for you to follow. What do you love John? What have you ever loved?