They sat and kissed for a while, both of them wanting to make up for all of the time they had wasted over the last several weeks. Eventually Stephanie just crawled into John’s bed and laid beside him. It was one of the most intimate moments of his life. They kissed again, and held each other until it finally came time for her to go, although neither one of them wanted the moment to come to an end.
“So what happens next?” John said as she got her things together.
“Well part of that is going to be up to you,” she said quietly. “But it’s clear you’re going to need a little help for a while. Will you let me help you John?”
“I don’t think there’s anything I would like more,” was his reply.
An hour later Dr. Paul came strolling back in wearing a Cheshire cat grin. John had gotten quite astute at reading his facial expressions over the years, and knew that his old mentor was terribly amused.
“I gotta hand it to you John,” he said smiling. “I’ve seen guys go to great lengths to get a girl, but I think this takes the cake. Can’t say I blame you though. She’s quite an amazing woman.”
“She sure is. It sounds incredibly strange, but I’d get in a thousand car wrecks if it meant I got to spend an hour like I just spent.”
“Jesus man,” Dr. Paul said sharply. “Do you really think it’s about the car accident? If so I’m pretty disappointed in your powers of perception. You’ve been afforded a glimpse pal. A glimpse of what it’s like to share every aspect of your life with someone. Not just the romance or the sex, those things are easy. I’m talking about someone taking care of you when you’re sick. Sharing your life when your body gets old and gets sick. For the first time in your life you are in a truly vulnerable position. Kind of scary doing it alone I’m guessing? Does any of this make sense to you?”
“It all does. Yesterday I had a feeling that I was on the cusp of a very big change. I think I’m just now starting to glimpse what life might be like if I stay on the road I have been traveling. I have to admit I didn’t like what I saw Doc. I know I may be talking at least partially out of fear here, but this woman just feels right to me. I know I’ve said that before, and maybe this feeling could fade, but I don’t think so. As you are so fond of saying, when the student is ready the teacher appears. I think it’s possible I found my teacher,” John said with a long and heavy breath.
“I would like nothing more for you John, I really would, but as you also know I’m fond of saying, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and your track record with women isn’t so hot,” Dr. Paul continued. “I want you to think about where this all may be going. Really think about it. What could trip you up? What happens when you start to get bored? I’m not trying to piss in your cornflakes here buddy, but these are important questions.”
“I’m getting a little pissed off here Paul, which means I guess that you might be on to something. Although it pains me to say it, I think it would be best if I stayed in therapy for a while when I’m trying to figure all this out. I guess I would even be willing to start paying you,” John said with a laugh.
“You’re goddamn right you will, but John, lets be really clear about something. This is not gonna just be me holding your hand while you’re trying to maintain a relationship. You know damn well that’s not what I do. I want you to really explore where it is you come from and what it is you want to do with this precious little time you have been given,” Dr. Paul said sternly.
“I don’t need or want you to hold my hand, Paul, although I know I act like that sometimes,” John answered back. “I just think you might be the guy to talk to you about this, because as far as I can tell, love is what saved your life. I remember you and Susan when you were together, it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. I think I’m starting to understand that it is not analysis, or even empathy that may save my life. It is love. That’s hard for me to say believe me, but I’ve gotten to the point in my life when I’m asking myself, if not now, when?”
“Ok John, Ok,” Dr. Paul said softly. “In spite of everything I’m rooting for you. You’ve been like a son to me and believe me, it’s not easy to see you in pain. If I’m a hardass with you it’s because I think that’s what you need, but maybe I’ve been a little hard on you considering you’re lying here in a hospital bed. I want you to be happy, I really do,” he said with a pause.
“But you’re gonna have to do the heavy lifting.”