John began the day with some stretching and light exercise. It had now been over a week since he had been in the accident, and through the combination of his hospital stay and abstinence from alcohol, he had lost 10 quick pounds. His back was terribly sore, and he made a mental note to appreciate what a wonderful gift it is to have the free and uninhibited use of one’s entire body. It was something he had always taken for granted until it was now gone.

John thought a bit about how he should handle this situation with Stephanie. She sounded pretty confused and messed up, and he wanted to help her work through this if he could. On the other hand he was messed up, and wanted to make a thoughtful choice as to how he should proceed. He thought back to an old line Dr. Paul used to use with regard to psychotherapy; it was a mess helping a bigger mess.

Instinctively John thought he should slow down with Stephanie, but also realized that part of this may be his natural inclination to pull away from people when they got to close. He had some deeply habituated ways of thinking that had got him to this point, and he vowed to hold them up to more serious scrutiny rather than simply accepting them blindly.

As the day progressed, John began to write in his journal to help work through some of the ideas that had been knocking around in his head. Although he was often insistent that his patients keep a journal to promote more mindful living, it was something he rarely did himself. Physicians rarely heal themselves.

As John continued to write, he felt he was on the cusp of an important idea. He was thinking of how Jung hypothesized that it was at midlife we begin to desire a sense of deeper individuation and exploration of hidden parts of ourselves. As he speculated as to what these hidden parts may be, he heard a knock, and was mildly irritated by the interruption. He hobbled to the door, and there stood Stephanie, clutching a bottle of wine and looking like she had consumed several already. She looked at John and then grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss, which was a jolt to his already injured back.

“Oh, sorry I hurt you John. Love always hurts a little though doesn’t it?” she said laughing. She entered the house and went straight to the kitchen, rummaging through his drawers looking for a corkscrew.

“Um, Stephanie, it’s not that I’m not happy to see you, but can we sit down for a second?” John asked in his best therapist’s voice.

“Yea, yea John I know we need to talk, but I need a little wine right now without a lecture. I just dumped my boyfriend and I’m a little bit messed up right now, so if you wouldn’t mind,” she said as she handed John the bottle, which was a twist off..

“Ok, ok, here you go,” he said, twisting the bottle lose and pouring her a small glass. “But could you at least let me make you a little something to eat?”

So John quickly whipped up some pasta, hoping the thick red sauce would help her absorb some of the alcohol. She stared intently at him as he cooked, but seemed too distracted to actually lend a hand. He was impressed that he still remembered how to do this stuff, although he was a pretty good cook when he took the time to do it, which was almost never.

As they sat and ate, Stephanie apologized over and over to John and explained that it had been as rough couple of days untangling herself from her boyfriend. He felt for her, and as she spoke, it dawned on him that she had rearranged her whole life at least partially as a result of her interactions with him. Normally this would be a red flag to him, but a big part of him was able to look at her and visualize sitting together when they were 80. But just right this second, they both had some stubborn remaining demons to extinguish.

Later in the evening, they settled into a pleasant evening together, with her resting her head in his lap. He gently stroked her hair as she settled in to sleep. When he went to shut the TV off, she awoke with a start, and looked at John and began kissing him passionately, quickly removing her clothing as she did.

“Whoa, whoa, Stephanie,” he said with a great deal of regret. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Don’t you want to make love with me John?” she said with more than a little hurt in her voice.

“More than you can possibly imagine,” was his response. “But this has been a rough day for both of us and there’s no need to rush. “In fact,” he said touching her face. “I hope I’m still making love with you when I’m a broken down old man.”

“You’re already a broken down old man John,” she said as they both burst out laughing.  And with that they walked hand in hand to bed, holding each other all night as they drifted slowly off to sleep.