John stood at the back of the barn, standing with one foot in front of the other. Although it had been more than 20 years since he had done this, he remembered the procedure like it was yesterday. Exactly 30 steps one foot after other, close to the old fence post. Although his feet had gotten a little larger since those days, the whole routine came back to him like he was a kid again.
What John was looking for was something he had done when he was 13. It was a time capsule he had buried on the advice of his grandmother, and, although he didn’t remember exactly what was in there, he did remember writing a letter to himself, and now he wanted to see exactly what this letter said, if of course it had actually survived.
Near the old fence post John started to dig, and at first he was little discouraged by his findings. He took one full step backwards to account for his larger feet, and started to dig again. After 15 minutes or so he saw the sturdy silver lunchbox-type container, and took it out. It was still here after all these years.
The first thing he grabbed was an old copy of the book Amazing Stories he has loved as a kid. He turned to a story he had bookmarked called Gather ye Acorns. It was about a little boy who is visited by a troll and told that the world needed more dreamers. The little boy takes this advice, and breaks his parent’s hearts by becoming a comic book collector as opposed to a doctor. It takes nearly 40 years, but in the end the little boy’s dreams do in fact come true. It was a wonderful story for John to sit and read at this point in his life.
He found some other things including a yo-yo and a harmonica, as well as a packet of baseball cards from all of the Chicago Cubs. This was interesting to him, as he thought back to watching all of those old games on WGN growing up, which was one of the only stations a kid from the northwest could actually watch a baseball game. As a result of this odd programming quirk, thousands of kids from this part of the world grew up to become Cubs fans. John had done more than that, as the city had put a stamp on his life that was truly hard to quantify. He marveled at the synchronicity of this.
At the bottom of the pail was an envelope that said “dear old John,” and he let out a hearty laugh of approval as he tore it open. Was he officially “old John” now? In some ways he thought so, but in others he still felt very much like a 13 year-old kid. Opening the letter, he began to read,
Dear old John,
If you are reading this now, you are still alive. That is good. I’m very curious as to what you finally became. Are you a baseball player now? If so you are rich and probably should not be standing here.
I guess it doesn’t do any good to ask questions because you can’t answer them back for me, so instead, I will give you some advice. As you know, your parents got divorced. I hope if you get married you don’t do this. It is hard for a kid to have to go to all those school things without a dad, and I hope when you get married you will remember this and try real hard to make things work. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, but I want you to remember that you felt like this. Maybe it will help you to be nicer to your own wife and kids.
Also, be nice to your mom. Remember that she raised you all by herself, and had to give up a lot of stuff to try and do this. Sometimes she even works three jobs so we can all have enough money. I hope you didn’t forget about this and are still nice to her.
Finally, if you are here and you are reading this, it must mean you found your way back to the farm. How did you do this? Do grandma and grandpa still live here? Are they still alive? I hope so on both counts, as I really love it here. It’s the only place I feel like life kind of just stops and we all get to just be together as a family and have fun. Maybe if you’ve made some money you can even buy this place someday. I don’t think you will regret it.
Most of all I hope you’re happy now. Sometimes I get depressed now, and I hope you have grown out of this. Sometimes I like to be by myself, and that makes me happy, but mostly I think you need to find a way to be happy with other people. When you run away from them you’re really just punishing yourself. Try and remember this!!
Well by for now. Really hope you read this!!
Young John
John held the letter in his hand and as he did felt for the letter in his pocket from Dr. Paul. Once again he felt like he was living in a kind of eternal recurrence. He was truly startled to think about how eerily he had anticipated some of his own future issues as a 13-year old boy, and also how good his advice to his future self really was.
He found himself thinking about what he would write to his future self if he was going to read a letter 25 years from now. Would he have the same fears? The same doubts? The same good advice to offer? He realized he had reached a time in his life when he had to stop giving and receiving advice, and to just start living. He was going to fail at things, life had certainly taught him that, and other people were certainly going to fail him. It was what he did after that that was going to determine if he was going to be happy or not. His life was halfway over, and it felt a little like he was in a snow globe that someone had been shaking furiously for decades. Now it was time to let the snow settle and start living.
He took the letter and put it in his pocket next to the one from Dr. Paul. Reminders from his past and instructions for his future were contained in both letters, and he knew they would both come in handy when he invariably stumbled. He felt like he was standing directly in the middle of his past and his future, which was the best place he could possibly think of being. Everything he had done was prelude to this moment right now. He felt a great deal of gratitude.
He wanted to go in and talk to his two girls, and tell them about all of the things he had learned, but also wanted to savor the moment for a little longer. It was early evening and the sun had begun to set over the horizon, and he sat and took it all in as the sun went down over a beautiful red sky far in the distance. He was reminded of one of his favorite quotes as he did from the movie, A River Runs Though It, that “life is not a work of art, and that the moment could not last.” Although this line spoke to a kind of nostalgia about lost time, John found it strangely fitting as well as humbling. He wanted to create and share moments with the people he loved, and now that he had actually found two of these people, he wanted to get started as soon as possible. It occurred to him that he could now come back to this spot and watch this gorgeous scene over and over again.
John slowly turned to walk back towards the house, and as he did, saw that Stephanie and Kim were already outside, watching their own version of the sunset from a little further down the road. He started to walk towards them, and felt the urge to run. He was hoping he could explain everything he had been thinking about over these last couple of hours, but reminded himself to slow down and let them enjoy their own version of the sunset. They had all the time in the world. They were buying a farm.