Somehow he knew this before it even left Kim’s mouth. It was her. He had found the woman. That wasn’t exactly true, he knew where she worked, and he had gotten this information from a very fragile patient who was also a child, which was not exactly like hooking up with someone on Craigslist. Still, he thought this was a significant bit of information, and knew from his very short time with Stephanie that she might be an important person in Kim’s life as she began the very slow work of healing.

How to proceed? He stayed up half of the night thinking about these new developments in his life, and how he was going to proceed given this new bit of information he had received. He was a strong believer in the power of intuition, but lately the power of the emotions he had been feeling made it a little bit more difficult to follow. There was simply too much interference, and his circuits were being overloaded to the point of exhaustion. Usually a sound sleeper, he had tossed and turned for a week now and once again felt like he was on the verge of an important discovery, although he was dammed if her knew what this was.

His first move the next day was to call Dr. Paul, although he knew he would be annoyed by the second interruption in less than a week. He had found the woman, that was true, but what he was supposed to do with her now was a bit of a mystery to him. Beyond the ethical considerations, he wanted to fully explore the implications of what such a significant new person might due to his life in terms of disruption and chaos. In short, he was afraid, but knew what Dr. Paul’s reaction would be when he sniffed that out, which he inevitably would. He did have some legitimate ethical questions for Dr. Paul about this matter, and it was under this pretense he made an appointment to see him again with his very annoyed receptionist.

“Jesus you need a lot of handholding,” Dr. Paul said with a laugh.

“Nice to see you too Doctor,’ John replied, brushing past Dr. Paul and inviting himself to sit down.

John launched into the whole story about Stephanie being Kim’s teacher and all of the events and conversation that led up to this revelation. Dr. Paul listened quietly, and then slowly began to shake his head in disappointment.

“Let me ask you something pal, are you more worried about this woman, or about the little girl whose head is so fucked up right now she may never make it back?” D. Paul asked with more venom than he had intended.

“Jesus Paul, where is that coming from? As strange as it might seem, the two seem completely intertwined to me, and I can’t really figure out why. I was hoping you might have some thoughts on the subject.”

Dr. Paul did indeed have a lot of thoughts on the subject, and knew that his strong reaction to John’s dilemma was in part because he had been down the same difficult road. His first wife had been the great love of his life, and together they had lived and worked in Africa for several years as Peace Corps volunteers. When she had died his life was thrown into a tailspin he had never fully recovered from, and his romantic interludes had been the subject of much gossip and whispering in the psychological community since that time.

“I’m sorry John, that was a little of my own baggage acting up there. I just wanted to remind you that in this case you’re a therapist first. Tell me what you mean by intertwined; what made you use that word and what are you basing this feeling on? “

By looking at John’s face, Dr. Paul knew that this question had hit its mark. What he was trying to convey to John was that there was a relationship between empathy in his personal life, including empathy for himself, and the way he conducted himself as a therapist on a daily basis. He had been in John’s shoes, feeling every pain and shedding every tear with his patients as a young therapist. Meeting his wife Susan as a young man had changed everything for him, as all of the pain he felt for people was in part neutralized by the intense emotional bond he had with the woman he considered his soul mate. He wanted John to make this connection himself though, and so far he was a bit to confused and self-absorbed.

“Well doc I guess I just feel like life is leading me somewhere, but I’m not sure where right now. I understand the synchronicity I guess, and yes I want very much to help Kim in any way I can , but I can’t help but think this woman is somehow related to helping Kim.”

“Let me ask you something John, if you had to pick one word, just one, that you think of when you hear the word empathy, what would it be? Don’t think too much, just answer.”

“Wow, what a question, compassion, I guess.”

“Compassion is good John,” Dr. Paul said carefully, ‘but I think you can do a little better.”

“What does that mean?” John asked, somewhat offended that he had failed the test.

“Think about it Pal. Now if you’ll excuse me I have other people to see,” Dr. Paul said firmly as he motioned John towards the door.

Damn this guy, John thought to himself. Why did everything have to be such a goddamnn riddle with him? What the hell was wrong with compassion? He thought it was a pretty good answer, but it was clearly not what Dr. Paul was fishing for. He stopped off at the bar downstairs and ordered a beer, thinking about the cryptic conversation he had just had. He sat there in silence for a while, not wanting to talk to any more bartenders and inadvertently recruit any more patients.

3 beers later he found himself getting angrier and angrier at Dr. Paul, but also knew that it was probably because he had struck an appropriate nerve. He decided to play some music and walked over to the jukebox, looking at his watch as he did. It was 6 P.M. and it was December 8th. Why did that day stick in his head? As he flipped through the screens on the jukebox he stopped on a page with some John Lennon songs. That was it!! Today was the day John had been shot. He scrolled down to the song that he was looking for as a huge smile broke across his face, he selected “Real Love” and walked knowingly back to his seat.