Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rich in the church
Where her wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window
Wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

John Lennon & Paul McCartney

Perhaps more than any case I’ve ever had, Sarah made me truly examine what it is I hoped to accomplish by being a therapist, and what this title really means. I met her during a period of my life when I had just come out a difficult relationship, and was in one of those interpersonal vortexes where I just couldn’t seem to connect with another person. This became particularly clear to me on a drive back to Chicago on a long, rainy night, where there was not another car in site for miles. I turned on the radio and heard, » Read the rest of this entry «

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

In one of my previous books, The Tragic Clowns, I wrote about one of my favorite comedians, Chris Farley. Some my find it odd that a person so well known and famous could be a substitute person, but in Chris’ case this pattern was actually quite pervasive. It’s an important point, as many of us make the assumption that the rich and famous have lives that are free from everyday feelings of doubt and insecurity. We assign qualities to others based on actions we see in movies and television. One of my clients was amazed for instance that a man like Owen Wilson could attempt suicide. My research into the inner worlds of several comedians, including Chris Farley’s, led me to believe that a substitute pattern is often at the very core of what drives many of our most well known comedians.

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Make Them Stop, make them stop!!!

Celine’ Journey to the end of the night

I’m dancing as fast as I can

Barbara Jordan

Sonia was a 45-year old woman who had a couple of tapes that wouldn’t stop playing in her head. That’s what she came in discussing anyway, and she wanted to know if I could hypnotize her and make these tapes stop playing.

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I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas

Everclear- I will buy you a new life

King Moonraiser: Come closer. What do you desire?
Rudolph: Well, we’re a couple of misfits from Christmastown, and we’d like to live here.
King Moonraiser: No. That would not be possible. This island is for toys alone.
Yukon Cornelius: How do you like that? Even among misfits you’re a misfit.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

The Island of misfit toys.

Nearly every person I have ever spoken to in therapy has strong feelings about Christmas. There really is nothing like the holidays to reopen old wounds, stir up feelings of jealousy, resentment, loss, and sometimes even joy. This sounds cynical, I know, but it is also something I’m sure most therapists can confirm.

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Growing old is not all sweetness and light. Old women especially are invisible.

Ruth Rendell

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn’t go and doesn’t suit me.

Jenny Joseph

Men die before women do. That’s a fact. As someone who has worked in a couple of nursing homes it is also something I’ve observed firsthand, as the ratio of women to men in these places is often about five to one. I’ve also worked with a number of widows as a therapist, and was particularly struck by a woman named Susan, who became a widow at the age of 53 and came in complaining that she was invisible. » Read the rest of this entry «

We Bokonists believe that humanity is organized into teams, teams that do God’s Will without ever discovering what they are doing. Such a team is called a karass by Bokonon “If you find your life tangled up with somebody else’s life for no very logical reasons,” writes Bokonon, “that person may be a member of your karass.”

Kurt Vonnegut Cat’s Cradle

Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them – if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.

The Catcher in the Rye

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